Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Tired of Tears

TO MY BELOVED DADDY

24/11/11.
Clearly remember what happened that day, what i wore that day, what I said, what I did, and how u looked at me that day.
It still stay vivid on my mind. received the worst news ever more than Unforgettable.
The fact u're gone hurt so deeply that I'm completely numb to even cry.
I only can shed tears but it seems helpless to cry my heart out.
Why is it so fast for You to leave us and so long more of our journey to move on?
The scar you left was deep but the memories you left was endless.
I HATE WHEN YOU"RE GONE.
Everyday time is going and passing and I'm going through all these traffic.
I just wanna go back to the past where there used to be US.
The 8 of us. Where He and You're still in.
Now it only left 6 of us and it's so hard to stand firm and strong in front of those people.
So hard to go through life , so hard to go through each day without thinking how nice will it be if you were still to be around.




This was Just last end year you brought this tiny little monster and make him my precious and today I'm his tight enemy. Lots happened when you're gone.
I remembered the first time this lil' monster tried to attack and you rescued me and he treats me like his precious again.
today there's no you, and I've turned into his tight enemy. and just another stranger.

Time flies it feels it was just yesterday you left. without words, just a cold stare that I cant explained. But I'm happy you waited for me. but the saddest part was there's no last messsage. I just wish you could tell me more of you and share more of us.
Where we used to share much in the hospital when i was with you chatting away of your past life.
The fact you're gone now really hurts a lot.
THE ANGER THE DISAPPOINTMENT
THE FRUST that you're not around kills.
The sight of a small girl with her daddy being clingy stings right in the heart.
I no longer have the chance.
NO LONGER.
I'm so sick of tears now.
Numb of it.
Meaningless.

It doesn't help heals the aching heart. It makes the ache worse.
Pa, one year has been lots of up and down without you.
The seldom visits hurts even more.
Not just Mum needs you but Us too.
Mum hide her pain and don't show, but we know how hurt she is more than us inside.
Please dont push us away because clearly We All miss you more than any words can say.
#IMYP

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Monday, October 3, 2011

Turning to My Last Teen-age

4th of October and I'll be turning 19.
Well, it'll just another day of a year aging. Nothing matter much. Age is just a figure i guess.
At least i know i get to celebrate my last birthday with you and it was one of the best for it was when i turn half legal. =) Glad and happy enough that the memory still appear vividly what happened the entire day last year and how i ended it by being just beside U.


If i was given a wish to be made, I would wish I could turn back time where it was just 8 of us.
Just peace, fun, no worries, and all those little petty dissatisfaction where it just last maximum one day.

Now growing up, there's really lotsa thing to put into matter.
Like they said, mind over matter and matter over mind.
What's important now i know i could never turn back time where there was you to take care of things that we cant able to solve or even carry out.
Today the task is to "stand on our own two feet".

Hopefully this last teen-age of mine, I could find back my lost mind and also of course the missing pieces of mine.

Till then, signing off and *pray*


=)

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Monday, November 8, 2010

always keep the faith

it's been very long since i blog. yes ! i'm finally 18. where now i guess i'm more mature? XD but in that case life has been changing a lot. still stuck in the same uni where life is always upside down and people here are like freaking smart. OMG pressure i tell you ! it's like you just have to study everyday just by looking at your housemate or roommate studying probably every free hour at night. and oh ya ! i'm in second sem already. stuck with few classmates from previous sem and got to meet few new friends, but as usual i'm anti-social when it comes to new environment. so well, not much to talk bout it. and my score =.= sigh.. isnt doing any good so far.
now, talking bout holidays, i cant say it suck. it's quite 'fun' staying at home. but i did went out with friends but just for the sake of my face, FACIAL !!!
But still, My face is like the moon surface. pfft.
to get a porcelain face is like asking a million dollar ayy.
Spend lotsa time at home slackin and watch drama aint bad after all.
and taking care a huge stubborn baby could be exhausting but it's my role, so i dont mind =)
and that's when the bond joined.
^_^
let me share a lil happy story that i could say i love the most.
on Oct 5th i guess, Dad was admitted to the hospital and sis and I went to overnight to take care of him. well, my finals was so near so i have to study. half way studying, dady start to share stories and me too !LOL
so we practically exchange story and i finally came clean to Dad on my first relationship. XD
we chit-chatted all the way til 2 and then only i fall asleep. in a super uncomfortable position.
and another fun thing during my 18 was, i got to celebrate with my uni mates !
sis and SY buy me sushi, sis , Sue, Elaine and Jess came to surprise me and night , aunt aka cousin buy me korean meal !
yay, satisfied enough ! ^^
and the next day, get another free meal from Jaron. so practically my whole birthday present comes in the food way >.<>
BUT that was weeks back now life change again. no longer the happy and joyful moment.
Like many said, life is like a wheel, once you're up you will sometimes be down.
and now, i'm at the down positon.
My guardian angel, i see Unforgettable in you. the way you behave , the way u speak, the way you used your strength to gather yourself similarly to him.
but you are so stubborn to listen to anyone. your ego brought us down. =(
if you only listen and put the trust on us, by now, you are able to stand on your own.
you give me the enlightment when you start to listen and put your faith on us.
now that i'm away, you stopped everything.
everything has to start again, waste of effot and time, dont you wanna live the way you are as before?
the time is still ticking there's time and hope still if you just keep the faith.
for all i hope, is what i want the future to be.
so please, the battle is still on, we'll fight this together. love you. <3
ALWAYS KEEP THE FAITH
STAY STRONG
BELIEVE !

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Thursday, April 22, 2010

cancerific words


Today I watched E!news- THS: Farrah Fawcett. and it was a heartbreaking article about her. although her death news was at the same time with Michael Jackson, I now only realised that she was a true fighter against cancer, which I honoured. To sum it up, this is the article that I could get about her.


Cancer

Fawcett was diagnosed with anal cancer in 2006,[36] and began treatment, including chemotherapy and surgery.[37] Four months later, on her 60th birthday, the Associated Press wire service reported that Fawcett was, at that point, cancer free.[38]

Less than four months later, in May 2007, Fawcett brought a small digital video camera to document a doctor's office visit. There, she was told a malignant polyp was found where she had been treated for the initial cancer. Doctors contemplated whether to implant a radiation seeder (which differs from conventional radiation and is used to treat other types of cancer).[39] Fawcett's U.S. doctors told her that she would require a colostomy.[40] Instead, Fawcett traveled to Germany for treatments described variously in the press as "holistic",[41] "aggressive",[42] and "alternative".[43] There, Dr. Ursula Jacob prescribed a treatment including surgery to remove the anal tumor, and a course of perfusion and embolization for her liver cancer by Doctors Claus Kiehling and Thomas Vogl in Germany, and chemotherapy back in Fawcett's home town of Los Angeles. Although initially the tumors were regressing, their reappearance a few months later necessitated a new course, this time including laser ablation therapy and chemoembolization.[10] Aided by friend Alana Stewart, Fawcett documented her battle with the disease.[40]

In early April 2009, Fawcett, back in the United States, was rushed to a hospital, reportedly unconscious and in critical condition.[44][45] Subsequent reports, however, indicated that the severity of her condition was not as dire as first reported.[46] On April 6, the Associated Press reported that her cancer had metastasized to her liver. Fawcett had learned of this development in May 2007 and her subsequent treatments in Germany had targeted this as well. The report denied that she was unconscious, and explained that the reason for Fawcett's hospitalization was not her cancer but a painful abdominal hematoma that had been the result of a minor procedure, according to the Los Angeles cancer specialist treating Fawcett, Dr. Lawrence Piro. Her spokesperson emphasized she was not "at death's door", adding "She remains in good spirits with her usual sense of humor ... She's been in great shape her whole life and has an incredible resolve and an incredible resilience."[46] Three days later, on April 9, Fawcett was released from the hospital, picked up by longtime companion O'Neal, and, according to her doctor, was "walking and in great spirits and looking forward to celebrating Easter at home."[47]

A month later, on May 7, Fawcett was reported as critically ill, with Ryan O'Neal quoted as saying she now spends her days at home, on an IV, often asleep.[48] The Los Angeles Times reported Fawcett was in the last stages of her cancer and had the chance to see her son Redmond in April 2009, although shackled and under supervision, as he was then incarcerated, Fawcett seemed not to notice. Her 91-year-old father, James Fawcett, flew out to Los Angeles to visit.

Her doctor, Lawrence Piro, and Fawcett's friend and Angels co-star Kate Jackson—a breast cancer survivor—appeared together on The Today Show dispelling tabloid-fueled rumors, including suggestions Fawcett had ever been in a coma, had ever reached 86 pounds, and had ever given up her fight against the disease or lost the will to live. Jackson decried such fabrications, saying they "really do hurt a human being and a person like Farrah." Piro recalled when it became necessary for Fawcett to undergo treatments that would cause her to lose her hair, acknowledging "Farrah probably has the most famous hair in the world", but also that it is not a trivial matter for any cancer patient, whose hair "affects [one's] whole sense of who [they] are". Of the documentary, Jackson averred Fawcett "didn't do this to show that 'she' is unique, she did it to show that we are all unique ... (T)his was ... meant to be a gift to others to help and inspire them."[49]

The two-hour documentary Farrah's Story, which was filmed by Fawcett and friend Alana Stewart, aired on NBC on May 15, 2009.[48] The documentary was watched by nearly nine million people at its premiere airing[50], and it was re-aired on the broadcast network's cable stations MSNBC, Bravo and Oxygen. Fawcett earned her fourth Emmy nomination posthumously on July 16, 2009, as producer of Farrah's Story.[51] The winner of the Emmy for Outstanding Nonfiction Special, announced September 12, 2009, was the History Channel production 102 Minutes That Changed America, an eyewitness-video look at the events of September 11, 2001.

Controversy surrounded the aired version of the documentary, with her initial producing partner, who had worked with her on Chasing Farrah, alleging O'Neal's and Stewart's editing of the program was not in keeping with Fawcett's wishes to more thoroughly explore rare types of cancers such as her own and alternative methods of treatment. He was especially critical of scenes showing Fawcett's son visiting her for the last time, in shackles, while she was nearly unconscious in bed. Fawcett had generally kept her son out of the media, and his appearances are minimal in her reality series Chasing Farrah, which was filmed four years earlier.


Death

Fawcett died at approximately 9:28 a.m., PDT[52][53] on June 25, 2009, in the intensive care unit of Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica, California, with O'Neal and Stewart by her side.[54][55] A private funeral was held in Los Angeles on June 30.[56] Fawcett's son Redmond was permitted to leave his California detention center to attend his mother's funeral, where he gave the first reading.[57]

The night of her death, ABC aired an hour-long special episode of 20/20 featuring clips from several of Barbara Walters' past interviews with Fawcett as well as new interviews with Ryan O'Neal, Jaclyn Smith, Alana Stewart, and Dr. Lawrence Piro.[58] Walters followed up on the story on Friday's episode of 20/20. CNN's Larry King Live planned a show exclusively about Fawcett that evening until the unexpected death of Michael Jackson several hours later caused the program to shift to cover both stories. Cher, a longtime friend of Fawcett's, and Suzanne De Passe, executive producer of Fawcett's Small Sacrifices mini-series, both paid tribute to Fawcett on the program. NBC aired a Dateline NBC special "Farrah Fawcett: The Life and Death of an Angel" the following evening, June 26, preceded by a rebroadcast of Farrah's Story in prime time.[59] That weekend and the following week, television tributes continued. MSNBC aired back-to-back episodes of itsHeadliners and Legends episodes featuring Fawcett and Jackson. TV Land aired a mini-marathon of Charlie's Angels and Chasing Farrah episodes. E! aired Michael & Farrah: Lost Icons and the Biography Channel aired Bio Remembers: Farrah Fawcett. The documentary Farrah's Story re-aired on the Oxygen Network and MSNBC.[60]

Larry King said of the Fawcett phenomenon,

“TV had much more impact back in the '70s than it does today. Charlie's Angels got huge numbers every week — nothing really dominates the television landscape like that today. Maybe American Idol comes close, but now there are so many channels and so many more shows it's hard for anything to get the audience, or amount of attention, that Charlie's Angels got. Farrah was a major TV star when the medium was clearly dominant."[61]”

Playboy founder Hugh Hefner said "Farrah was one of the iconic beauties of our time. Her girl-next-door charm combined with stunning looks made her a star on film, TV and the printed page."[62]

Kate Jackson said,

“She was a selfless person who loved her family and friends with all her heart, and what a big heart it was. Farrah showed immense courage and grace throughout her illness and was an inspiration to those around her... I will remember her kindness, her cutting dry wit and, of course, her beautiful smile...when you think of Farrah, remember her smiling because that is exactly how she wanted to be remembered: smiling.[62]”

In March 2010, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences caused controversy when Fawcett was excluded from the "In Memoriam" montage at the 82nd Academy Awards ceremony, along with fellow television stars Bea Arthur, Gene Barry and Ed McMahon. In addition to Ryan and Tatum O'Neal, friends and colleagues of Fawcett publicly expressed their outrage at the oversight, including actress Jane Fonda and film critic Roger Ebert.[63] AMPAS executive director Bruce Davis cited Fawcett's recognition at the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards for her "remarkable television work," and said of all the exclusions: "There's nothing you can say to people, particularly to family members, within a day or two of the show that helps at all. They tend to be surprised and hurt, and we understand that and we're sorry for it."[64]

She is buried at the Westwood Village Memorial Park in Los Angeles, California.[65]

For it, I'm really impressed with her spirit. Especially when she said " I know why i was diagnosed with a cancer. God gives me this because He wants me to help others to fight this and find the cure together." That is what I was so inspired about.


But then, something happened.

A: why do you wanna watch this show?


B:don't you find it touching?


A: cancer cancer die la!


After that I just keep my mouth silent and hold back the tears. It was really a strong hit that blew me off. Even i had the chance to say out anything, i kept on smiling looking at my cellphone pretend nothing ever happened. But the Scar left was deep. And to tell YOU one thing, THAT WAS THE MEANEST THING I"VE EVER HAD FOR THE PAST 17YEARS AND 7 MONTHS I HAVE LIVED!! and 'thank you' very much!!



anyway, some word can't be read because of the colour i don't know. Just Highlight the page and u'll get to read it clearly. thanks.

p/s: if you think you're not wrong or you think you don't know anything, stop it! shut up and leave!

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

FAMILY DINNER.WEDDING.HOT GUYS!!

yeah!!i'm back blooging 4 another special dinner of my grandpa's sis' son's wededing.to shprtform it,i can consider him as my cousin.yes.his wedding.well the special stars shine on tht wonderful date which is on last saturday(22/11/08)."KOK THYE AND HUI PING"well .it's a very fun thing to see 'heng tai's being played by the 'zhi mui's and the 'heng tai's will play the 'zhi mui's back.cute,fun,and definitely tickles me.there were games where the heng tais must pick up keys from a box containing brown sugar and milo, but by using their face only.and later wear bikinis and burst the balloons by banging the other heng tais wearing bikinis too.man.ppl these days are sick!!bt they are creative.dont ya think so?? ok.ok.lets cut the crap and fly to the scene at Sheratton Hotel at Subang.damn!!oops and the groom's car is woosh!!not as cool like my ehmm TVXQ 1 car but they got a BMW BEL1.go spot the car!!lol.k.back to SJ.i was wondering around to wait 4 lyndy to arrive.met all my cousins especially the twins freak!!!lol.and i spot this super hot guy!!he looks like a japanese and i thought he's a friend of the groom but he is a..............

super damn yeng violinist!!!!!wow!!and he's a malaysian!!!yeah!!!!

and he wore this damn yeng white coat hyere!!omg!!me,tracie and my youngest ah yee,lyndy were so ..................drooling over him!!!especially when he walk in through the aisle along with the 'stars' and play the marriage melody~.ahhh...........melts....ok.over drooling here.wee.then dinner starts and he done a spectacular performance 4 us.omg!!i l0ve the part where he stood facing his back to the crowd and when he turn and start off playing with his violin!!!omg!!damn.........0..fish!!hot ah!!!!!lol...ok.i'm over drooling agin.nevermind.i still got my TVXQ and SUJU to drool over.hehe.ok...cam whoring pics again.


ok .my turn of camwhoring pics come first b4 myrelatives.XD



me and my *stoned* brother..
my camwhore sis.hehe.
me and aunt lyndy.
emo looking tracie lim..
sweet lyndy and me
happy tracie!!
retard colin till i scolded him.....
ah.there.look better.tq couzie!!

roy lookin cheezy here cuz he's drinking.u know smtg.don ask so much.underage.shhh!!!
i think tht's all 4 the dinner 4 tht day and i'm proudly to announce,i'm FAT!!!!!!!ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!i miss TVXQ AND SUPER JUNIOR!!!!!!

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