My Misery After 3 Years

Hi, Long time no see? Or Long time since I last post anything here. 

As obvious as it seem, my last few post were about the man who I lost dearly unexpectedly.

What I can conclude,

" what you expect to last , doesnt ; what you expect not to last, does ; Life is just that unexpected"

Aint it?

Up till this very day, losing U was something I'm not sad of but pist off. Pist off of why must U leave so soon and at the end making our life so different. But what is the point of me complaining these much if whatever I rant will never find its solution. It's not like U're coming back alive right?

But I will like to express my gratitude. If not for you that gave us such a good life before, we will not learn to see the difference of having someone U can rely on and not. 

After so long, I have finally have the courage to express my feeling and long kept complication of feelings in my heart, in my mind, and whenever I feel that " why am I the one facing all these shits?"

I have no idea who still visits this page but I assume this is my letter to U. As childish as it seem, yeah I still believe U're somewhere observing every single little thing we do.

To be honest, whenever anyone mentioned " If U're still here... etc.. ",

 

WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT OF SAYING THIS?

U're not gonna like miraculously appear and solve all the problems we face after U left.

I really wanna run away from all these shits. Seriously. People leaves anyway. Why can't I be the one who leaves but the one who watch People leave. One year maybe short. But for me, one year is long to see changes.

Home don't feel like home. Feelings don't feel  the same anymore. Relationships wreck. Friendships sunk. Self-worth depletes. What else more can I compare?

And throughout the 3 years, I'm being like a bird caged. My wings being 'plucked' off one by one till one day when I really need to fly to be independent, I'll no longer able to rely my own and start being the parasite that everyone hates. 

" If  you treat me as an option, don't expect me to treat you as my priority"

I always quote this to remind me of my own self worth but it seems people still treats me like an underling no matter how hard I try to be nice. I'm always an option never a priority. In general, to everyone. I may not point it out but how many idiots out there like me can stand being in such position?

 

But Words are Words, Sentence are Sentences. And feelings are feelings. U don;t know how complicated and hurt it feel keeping everything inside that it slowly eats u and turn u to someone that nobody could recognise of. That's me. I've kept too long. 

Sorry for annoying you guys and troubling u guys for as long I know you guys. But still thank you in many ways.

Bye for now.