Betrayal

You know what’s crazy about betrayal?
It never comes from your enemies, it comes from the one closest to you.
The one you trust the most.
The one that can hurt you the most.

It’s like a knife stabbed right next to you with a grin on its face that only you can see but not the others.
When you appear strong, you are deem to be wrong.
When you appear weak, you are deem to be the victim.
Don’t be surprised, cause that’s how people perceive these days.
You don’t need truth, you don’t need justice. You just need majority judgement.

Sometimes I do understand why people or villains turn from an innocent child to an evil being.
Simply because they have been betrayed on what they believe so many times that kindness is no longer an existence in their world.

Betrayal. I know when you guys are lying. I’m not a 5 year old with a candy who doesn’t know the candy is real or just a plastic.

Thank you.

JY -2018

A Corrupted Mindset : the rich and the poor

I have no idea how long since I last post but every update always does not revolve around the good side. WHY? As bitchy I could sound, well, Life is a bitch. As the saying goes, as the rich got richer, the poor got poorer.

The rich have never thought how was it feel to be at the poorer side. All they think is what they should own next and the poor have to brainstorm on what to do next in order to survive. You see the difference?

To the rich one, who are you to judge the poor to not have a day of luxury like the rich? Who are you to judge that the poor is not entitled to even live like the rich. Have you ever been in their shoes to even appreciate the excitement of living a day like the rich? Even a simple life living like there is no worry is good enough for them to live another day.


And to the poor, all you think is money money money. Yes, Money is the root of all evil. But Money ain't everything. I hate it when every argument kicks off with the topic : money. Why? Because all they know is status quo are ranked by how rich they are financially but not mentally. This is how corrupted people are today.

If not, watch any simple drama. It all have the same story line. And dramas are fairytales and cannot be applied in real life because only the rich marries the poor and live happily and you don't see this coming in real life.

So sick of trying to defend any sides, but just one day just blurt out directly to the people who label themselves rich and label themselves poor.

Think about it. Which category you are. Do you behave as the rich or the poor. No I will not say it directly to your face but just think of it yourself.

This House Is Broken

Too late to be fixed.

Too much has been broken.

No one to refer, no one to depend.

The one who broke it, just stand and laugh.

The one under the roof was blinded by the one who broke it.

The one under the roof has to collect rain everyday.

The one under the roof has to sleep with the feeling of drenched.

Rain season never stop coming.

Once it was sunny, once it was all rainbows.

Now, no longer just rain, sometimes with hurricane.

when finally can it be fixed? 

Maybe sooner, maybe never?

Will the heaven hear? Will the heaven respond?

Prayers never seem to be heard, never to be reached. 

Just hoping it all to end is just a vague vision.

My Misery After 3 Years

Hi, Long time no see? Or Long time since I last post anything here. 

As obvious as it seem, my last few post were about the man who I lost dearly unexpectedly.

What I can conclude,

" what you expect to last , doesnt ; what you expect not to last, does ; Life is just that unexpected"

Aint it?

Up till this very day, losing U was something I'm not sad of but pist off. Pist off of why must U leave so soon and at the end making our life so different. But what is the point of me complaining these much if whatever I rant will never find its solution. It's not like U're coming back alive right?

But I will like to express my gratitude. If not for you that gave us such a good life before, we will not learn to see the difference of having someone U can rely on and not. 

After so long, I have finally have the courage to express my feeling and long kept complication of feelings in my heart, in my mind, and whenever I feel that " why am I the one facing all these shits?"

I have no idea who still visits this page but I assume this is my letter to U. As childish as it seem, yeah I still believe U're somewhere observing every single little thing we do.

To be honest, whenever anyone mentioned " If U're still here... etc.. ",

 

WHAT'S THE DAMN POINT OF SAYING THIS?

U're not gonna like miraculously appear and solve all the problems we face after U left.

I really wanna run away from all these shits. Seriously. People leaves anyway. Why can't I be the one who leaves but the one who watch People leave. One year maybe short. But for me, one year is long to see changes.

Home don't feel like home. Feelings don't feel  the same anymore. Relationships wreck. Friendships sunk. Self-worth depletes. What else more can I compare?

And throughout the 3 years, I'm being like a bird caged. My wings being 'plucked' off one by one till one day when I really need to fly to be independent, I'll no longer able to rely my own and start being the parasite that everyone hates. 

" If  you treat me as an option, don't expect me to treat you as my priority"

I always quote this to remind me of my own self worth but it seems people still treats me like an underling no matter how hard I try to be nice. I'm always an option never a priority. In general, to everyone. I may not point it out but how many idiots out there like me can stand being in such position?

 

But Words are Words, Sentence are Sentences. And feelings are feelings. U don;t know how complicated and hurt it feel keeping everything inside that it slowly eats u and turn u to someone that nobody could recognise of. That's me. I've kept too long. 

Sorry for annoying you guys and troubling u guys for as long I know you guys. But still thank you in many ways.

Bye for now.

Tired of Tears

TO MY BELOVED DADDY

24/11/11.

Clearly remember what happened that day, what i wore that day, what I said, what I did, and how u looked at me that day.

It still stay vivid on my mind. received the worst news ever more than Unforgettable.

The fact u're gone hurt so deeply that I'm completely numb to even cry.

I only can shed tears but it seems helpless to cry my heart out.

Why is it so fast for You to leave us and so long more of our journey to move on?

The scar you left was deep but the memories you left was endless.

I HATE WHEN YOU"RE GONE.

Everyday time is going and passing and I'm going through all these traffic.

I just wanna go back to the past where there used to be US.

The 8 of us. Where He and You're still in.

Now it only left 6 of us and it's so hard to stand firm and strong in front of those people.

So hard to go through life , so hard to go through each day without thinking how nice will it be if you were still to be around.

This was Just last end year you brought this tiny little monster and make him my precious and today I'm his tight enemy. Lots happened when you're gone.

I remembered the first time this lil' monster tried to attack and you rescued me and he treats me like his precious again.

today there's no you, and I've turned into his tight enemy. and just another stranger.

Time flies it feels it was just yesterday you left. without words, just a cold stare that I cant explained. But I'm happy you waited for me. but the saddest part was there's no last messsage. I just wish you could tell me more of you and share more of us.

Where we used to share much in the hospital when i was with you chatting away of your past life.

The fact you're gone now really hurts a lot.

THE ANGER THE DISAPPOINTMENT

THE FRUST that you're not around kills.

The sight of a small girl with her daddy being clingy stings right in the heart.

I no longer have the chance.

NO LONGER.

I'm so sick of tears now.

Numb of it.

Meaningless.

It doesn't help heals the aching heart. It makes the ache worse.

Pa, one year has been lots of up and down without you.

The seldom visits hurts even more.

Not just Mum needs you but Us too.

Mum hide her pain and don't show, but we know how hurt she is more than us inside.

Please dont push us away because clearly We All miss you more than any words can say.

#IMYP

Turning to My Last Teen-age

4th of October and I'll be turning 19.

Well, it'll just another day of a year aging. Nothing matter much. Age is just a figure i guess.

At least i know i get to celebrate my last birthday with you and it was one of the best for it was when i turn half legal. =) Glad and happy enough that the memory still appear vividly what happened the entire day last year and how i ended it by being just beside U.

If i was given a wish to be made, I would wish I could turn back time where it was just 8 of us.

Just peace, fun, no worries, and all those little petty dissatisfaction where it just last maximum one day.

Now growing up, there's really lotsa thing to put into matter.

Like they said, mind over matter and matter over mind.

What's important now i know i could never turn back time where there was you to take care of things that we cant able to solve or even carry out.

Today the task is to "stand on our own two feet".

Hopefully this last teen-age of mine, I could find back my lost mind and also of course the missing pieces of mine.

Till then, signing off and *pray*

=)

Wishes

It's close to 9 months now. Yes I calculate almost everyday.

Days gone by fast, don't they?

Day after day and memories filling up every mind of ours.

To think we've been through it, but we used this sentence everyday

"If daddy were still here......"

I won't hide to say that I almost forget what is like to be without a dad.

Am i starting to forget you or there's something wrong with me?

I don't know.

Reading back the past few post, I realise how much I've been going through your lost.

And now I'm numb after all the treatment given after your lost.

Life is life, as much complicated it is I gotta live it.

If I was given a choice to choose to stay or leave,

I'll leave.

Deep down inside, I reallly do hope and wish among million stars, that you were still around cause i know things will be much better.

IMY